The reason why it’s difficult for me to talk to people

The other day, I was sitting in the break room across the girl I have been wanting to talk to. But I couldn’t, and I know the exact reason why I have known the reason for years! I am unable to initiate a conversation with people. I know how to talk to people, I am not afraid, it’s just difficult for me to initiate a conversation. I know this because once I cross that barrier of initiating the conversation then you can not shut me up. But crossing that barrier is the toughest thing I do every day. It is easier with friends and people I know but that resistance still exists. This resistance has and will cause the most damage in my life and career than anything else. And this is my greatest weakness.

How it affects my life?

I bet you won’t believe that I have been in the same company for 3 years now and I only know a handful of people. Even the people I trained with in the company are now just acquaintances. As I was unable to maintain the relationships with them but how can I maintain a relationship without talking. All of this because of the simple resistance in my head that stops me. This resistance in my head also makes me unable to make new connections. Which makes it really difficult to move ahead in the path that I want to follow. Because whatever career I choose to follow, I need to have connections and friends to help open up new paths and doors.

“If you’re are paralyzed with fear it’s a good sign. It shows you what you have to do.”
― Steven Pressfield

And I accept all this because I know myself and I know why I am this way. I am an introvert and it is inherently difficult for me to engage with people and maintain relationships. And I can’t just get up one day and change who I am, I can not become an Extrovert overnight. Frankly, I do not want to either, because being an introvert gives me a different strength. Which is when I do make these connections they are really special and strong. The friends that I have right now, the bond that we share is the strongest and purest form of connection one can have!

Why I Write

Because frankly, it is easier for me to express my thoughts on paper than to say them out loud. And it is the reason I started this blog because I knew I have to start expressing myself. I knew I have to share my story, my journey, what my fears are, what my pleasures are. And talking to people was obviously not an option. If I can not even talk to people face to face how I am going to share my story with them. So I decided to start writing because this way I can share my thoughts without looking at them.

“Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while doing it.” – John Green

And writing has helped me a lot in expressing the deep thoughts and ideas that were buried until now. Expressing them on paper has now enabled me to express them verbally as well. Because sometimes these thoughts are not fully formed in my head and they are just intuitions. But as I write them down I give them the structure which helps me express them verbally as well. However, just because I can now express my thoughts better doesn’t mean that it has become any easier. To begin writing on this blog was a step in the right direction but to make a real impact in my life, I need a change.

Read: Expressing what is in my mind

I need a change

To move ahead in the direction that I want to move I need a change. I need to find a balance between my introverted desire to stay alone and the career needs to find connections and partners. It has now become an important requirement of my life to become a bit braver and talk to people. And to do that I need to put myself in difficult situations and force myself to talk to people. I need to make myself uncomfortable to overcome this barrier and become comfortable doing it.

The path of Least resistance is the path of the loser! – H. G. Wells

So, I am gonna push myself by taking on a challenge. A challenge to talk to at least two strangers in any event or party that I attend. I will simply walk up to people and say Hi! Maybe they say hi, maybe not but I am going to try. Because this is the most important thing in my life right now.

Do you face a similar challenge in your life as well? How did you cope with it? Please, let me know in the comments.

2 thoughts on “The reason why it’s difficult for me to talk to people”

  1. Hey, I had exactly the same situation that you are facing right now and I’m an introvert as well, so I perfectly understand your problem. But I would say that rather than changing yourself, you should try to accept as you are.

    The society has plugged in this idea that ones needs to know how to have conversations, one need to have many friends and connections and so on. These things might be important at some stages of life but going after these things aggressively will only deepen your frustration.

    So, you should first accept your weaknesses as they are and be aware of not creating a image of yourself out of your weaknesses. Once you accept, you will no more care about your weaknesses and then your true self will flourish.

    Reading your blog, I could tell that I had very similar problems and I was as frustrated as you are with these problems. But this one book Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, literally changed my life and these problems are not a problem for me anymore. So I would highly recommend you to give it a try.

    1. Hey, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. And I totally agree being an Introvert is not a weakness and I do not consider it so as well. And I have accepted the fact that I am an introvert and will always have trouble connecting with people. But I consider this as an obstacle which is stopping me from achieving the goals that I want to achieve and that is the reason I am trying to change. And the change that I am trying is not something substantial instead it is a minor habitual change to simply say hello to as many people as follows. Which i believe is not that big of a deal.

      I have heard a lot about the book “Power of Now” and I will definitely give it a try. Thank you for the suggestion. 🙂

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