The other day, I was sitting in the break room across the girl I have been wanting to talk to. But I couldn’t, and I know the exact reason why I have known the reason for years! I am unable to initiate a conversation with people. I know how to talk to people, I am not afraid, it’s just difficult for me to initiate a conversation. I know this because once I cross that barrier of initiating the conversation then you can not shut me up. But crossing that barrier is the toughest thing I do every day. It is easier with friends and people I know but that resistance still exists. This resistance has and will cause the most damage in my life and career than anything else. And this is my greatest weakness.
How it affects my life?
I bet you won’t believe that I have been in the same company for 3 years now and I only know a handful of people. Even the people I trained with in the company are now just acquaintances. As I was unable to maintain the relationships with them but how can I maintain a relationship without talking. All of this because of the simple resistance in my head that stops me. This resistance in my head also makes me unable to make new connections. Which makes it really difficult to move ahead in the path that I want to follow. Because whatever career I choose to follow, I need to have connections and friends to help open up new paths and doors.
“If you’re are paralyzed with fear it’s a good sign. It shows you what you have to do.”
― Steven Pressfield
And I accept all this because I know myself and I know why I am this way. I am an introvert and it is inherently difficult for me to engage with people and maintain relationships. And I can’t just get up one day and change who I am, I can not become an Extrovert overnight. Frankly, I do not want to either, because being an introvert gives me a different strength. Which is when I do make these connections they are really special and strong. The friends that I have right now, the bond that we share is the strongest and purest form of connection one can have!
Why I Write
Because frankly, it is easier for me to express my thoughts on paper than to say them out loud. And it is the reason I started this blog because I knew I have to start expressing myself. I knew I have to share my story, my journey, what my fears are, what my pleasures are. And talking to people was obviously not an option. If I can not even talk to people face to face how I am going to share my story with them. So I decided to start writing because this way I can share my thoughts without looking at them.
“Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while doing it.” – John Green
And writing has helped me a lot in expressing the deep thoughts and ideas that were buried until now. Expressing them on paper has now enabled me to express them verbally as well. Because sometimes these thoughts are not fully formed in my head and they are just intuitions. But as I write them down I give them the structure which helps me express them verbally as well. However, just because I can now express my thoughts better doesn’t mean that it has become any easier. To begin writing on this blog was a step in the right direction but to make a real impact in my life, I need a change.
I need a change
To move ahead in the direction that I want to move I need a change. I need to find a balance between my introverted desire to stay alone and the career needs to find connections and partners. It has now become an important requirement of my life to become a bit braver and talk to people. And to do that I need to put myself in difficult situations and force myself to talk to people. I need to make myself uncomfortable to overcome this barrier and become comfortable doing it.
The path of Least resistance is the path of the loser! – H. G. Wells
So, I am gonna push myself by taking on a challenge. A challenge to talk to at least two strangers in any event or party that I attend. I will simply walk up to people and say Hi! Maybe they say hi, maybe not but I am going to try. Because this is the most important thing in my life right now.
Do you face a similar challenge in your life as well? How did you cope with it? Please, let me know in the comments.